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The Bag Lady That Crashed a Wedding

Most of her day was spent with her head in the dumpster, but when she came up for fresh air she always had something that interested her. Many times it was just cold food and warm cans of soda, and on occasion it was an umbrella or hat that someone left behind in one of the five fast food restaurants that used the dumpster. One of the many floppy hats she found was used to shield her from the hot L.A. Sun, with her vast collection of umbrellas, rainy days were no problem. She looked not older than twenty five and it was rumored that she had escaped from a mental institution and didn’t want to be returned. But nobody seemed to care what her past was, and they let her live her humble lifestyle


She was an adventurous woman and each evening she put on one of the nice dresses she found in the dumpster and explored the town. Since she was young and pretty nobody would ever guess she was a bag lady. Tonight she was going to crash a wedding. The buffets and the music was always great, and she was sure to find a dancing partner.

As soon as she entered the buffet room the host escorted her to a long table full of the most delicious looking foods and he personally filled her tray, she thanked him and then sat down at one of the round tables to eat. After washing down the food with a few dry martinis she proceeded to the main dining hall.

The band was playing hard rock music, and she was soon dancing with the nicest guys. To her surprise the groom asked her to dance and wouldn’t let her go until she joined him and his bride to be at their table. The three of them quickly became friends. The drinks flowed and the wedding ceremony followed. The bride, the groom, and the bag lady were drunk. After a short ride in a chauffeured limousine, they proceeded to the honeymoon suite in the hotel. A drunken and wild time in bed doesn’t last forever, so the three of them awoke in the morning, looked at each other and burst out laughing.

They said they were going to Jamaica to continue their honeymoon and asked her to join them, but she said that she was in the dumpster inspection business and couldn’t take a day off. The bride and groom understood and dropped her off a short distance from her dumpster, and kissed her goodbye.

She was happy to get back to her dumpster and after putting on her raggedy clothes she quickly dove in. Luckily she pulled out a half eaten ham sandwich, which was one of her favorites. It was a good start for what looked like a great day.

About the Author

retired and single

Load-a-Bag dumpster alternative heavy duty trash bag loaded with shingles, lifted up and over a fence.

Written by Dumpster Man

February 16th, 2011 at 4:59 pm